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Two recurring; dual thoughts for me

Am I to die or win the lottery

Future life of rich paradise

Another the last time I open my eyes

 

Bizarre, as I hold good health

And all is well in my world

Maybe just (un)balance of mind

Things go well; then bad or kind

 

Schizophrenia on mild proportion

Too much LSD brought mind distortion

Or insight that I now accept

For inner strength hasn’t left yet

 

I like Townsend’s version; Quadraphenia

Four minds working like multiplex cinema

Living more than life’s big movie

A man with a contradictory history

 

Be a man; dismiss the weak

Your family need you at your peak

A world living inside your mind

It’d exhaust them with what they’d find

 

Only I enjoy it in here

Watching inner conflict with Yoga and Beer

And a happy outcome of these wars

Is that my mind has ever open doors

 

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Too much

Alcohol again

Forget remembrance

Confused brain

Explicit thought

Guilt caught

Chained memory

Free me

Pastures new

Love true

Manic depressive

Humour suggestive

Laughter loud

Posture proud

Word games

Heart inflamed

Passion subdued

Loving you

Acceptance true

Denial lost

High cost

Never holding

Born wanting

Missing connection

Finding distraction

Hoping again

Heart remains

A choice

Loving voice

Connect me

Love free

 

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Body part twisted today

Happiness took turn for dismay

Thinking i need to work hard

Future is my thought onward

 

Very drunk, wine to rescue

She let the love pass on through

But only one is full of feeling

Her heart now dead, hate revealing

 

My true loves from past

Ever the love river flowing fast

She sold herself to other

I stayed true; us together

 

So goodbye is new name

Now nobody the same

Fuck you all in life’s game

I just go wine insane

 

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When does the turnaround begin?

I’ve looked in endless bottles of gin

Problems continue; an endless barrage

Anger and resentment lead the charge

 

Why does depression control the light?

Turning down all power; forever night

Same, same, every day the same

Tortured heart and mind again.

 

What does it take to stop the pain?

To stop the drop off the edge to insane

Another day; deeper confusion alive

Reckless energy, too far gone; survive

 

Whenever the turnaround arrives

I have to see clearly; surprise

Difficulties ended; no momentum

Cooling off is now my mission

 

Why ever did i get that low?

Looking at the kill instead of grow

Not same, not same; each thought dies

Embracing laughter as sufferer cries

 

Whatever i thought sad; happy in head

To rise up to the top; strength instead

Now new day; simple pressure of mind

Positive thought; progress today; survive

 

 

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Hope you don’t mind Stella, my darling

I step over your empty vessel in mornings

Manage to avoid your brother of love

I think you call him Chip Chekov

Did I hear you right? Did you slur?

Why does carpet stink of cheap beer?

Is that a burn in new carpet laid

That was where the spliffs were made!

Wish a party had caused so much disarray

But just another night; a few friends stayed

We drank, smoked, popped some pills

Now all I see is where the guests lay ill

Another day, another drunk stoned mess

Wish Okey Kokey was here dancing her best

Then it would be a party full of swing

But we blew the money big style; no party begins

The glory, glitzy days with laughs have gone

Just heavy boozing and drugs going on too long

Chasing old Ecstasy highs, with hope of return

Listening to ‘old tunes’ in the smoke of Ganja burn

Memories saturating a dope filled brain

Reminiscing and wishing for the ‘summer of love’ again

 

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Another lonesome day

At least Mary Jane stayed

To chill and caress

My mind as it strayed

To dark thoughts alone

Empty chairs at home

Footsteps echoed loud

Is she out in the crowd?

I want to share it all

But she is hiding away

Far away from my stoner gaze

Red wine; roll the number

Oblivion; awake a loner

I want to leave you

White eyes to discover

I can hold flesh and blood

Not enchanting smoke

Accepting new comfort

Or love to share a toke…

Now that could be it!

The answers now clear

To have, to hold her near

A lover to laugh with jokes

That perfect love to hold

Sharing Mary Jane’s gold

 

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I wish I could

Live life on the

Two pint buzz

 

My heart would

Be happy and free

And full of love

 

It’s a feeling

Of contentment

Nothing can defeat

 

Apart from the third

Which buckles

My self esteem

 

Now two pint

Buzz is lost

A bore is born

 

To continue tonight

To soldier on

My logic is torn

 

So as always

And as before

I drank ’til the end

 

Familiar faces said

“have another”…

Awoke next day wishing

I’d drank with understanding friends

 

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Just because fast money came

Robbie’s club have no fun again

Blowing the royalties on top cocaine

The therapist announced them all insane

 

The dealer at dressing room door

Bringing the cream you sing for

Now you stand ten feet tall

Thinking no-one on earth matches your cool

 

Elton the cleanest grandad now

Showing Robbie’s club this is how

A clean, a way to happy life

Settle down, walk the dogs, bore the wife

 

“I am an alcoholic, and my name is…

Fallen pop star”, remember my hits?

Yes we re-call as we sip our wine

Come and join us and let the club rewind

 

Return to some laughter, and headache too

Laugh with friends again, over a beer or two

Use the stirrups and step off high horse

And if offered cocaine, refuse of course

 

There is the turning of laughter to strife

The pain that shrouded the good things in life

You are not an addict like rich shrink implies

Just a rich young man in a showbiz life

 

So listen to the professional amateur

Have a few drinks and return to old friends laughter

The warm glow and love over a Christmas drink

Open fires in the pub, you’re at home I think

 

Yes you had pain, it had gone too far

Too many drunk gambles behind the wheel of car

And to throw away your family roots

Of light drinking and happier moods

 

It was only cocaine that accelerated

A party demise the shrink never stated

If i could give your club a truthful glimpse

There would be no more income sent to the shrink

 

So if too much money and cocaine

Is the reason to re-educate the brain

Why does Robbie’s club go it alone and sober?

A few drinks like the common man and your addiction is over

 

Cocaine is an easy addiction to break

But the therapist adds drink for the cocktail shake

Then they have a dependant believing wreck

As they charge you to write more blank cheques

 

So will Robbie re-open the club door?

Totally cocaine free; drinks then dance floor

Party again, join Robbie’s club have fun

The charlatan shrinks are on the run

 

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Red wine is that the best?

Or is white here to take the test?

Red is much deeper, finds inner depth

But white is savoured better kept

 

So if red is first choice

Then listen to a deeper voice

But maybe the best is white

A clearer head for conversation tonight

 

So red if I need to get spiritual

White if I need to be reasonable

Hard to choose which is best of two

Guess circumstance can change which I do

 

No doubt red warms my thoughts

But white seems to be a buzz well bought

Maybe it is that neither is right

Just choose for yourself what feels best tonight

 

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I pour another drink

Too many tonight i think

But an escape of thought

Or insight brought

Red wine makes time

Happier thoughts in white wine

None committing any crime

Rose just for pleasurable dine

Feels good to relax and free up

Can i know when to stop

Is it the future for I and I

Or just a temporary moment of red eye…

 

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